Everything hurts and I can’t even complain about it on my blog and leave it up to laugh about it in a few months because she’ll see but god I’m so tired of this. I’m so tired of relating to sad blurbs on tumblr and feeling like I’ll never be good enough for her without a dick she can suck. I know that it’s mean to say shit like that but fuck… I’m bitter. My stomach hurts, and I know it’s probably just because of the beer from last night, but thinking about it isn’t helping. I want to forget. I want to take it back. Every kiss, every touch, every tear I shed in front of her pretending it was for someone else. But this is all just a joke to her. I’m just a convenient lay for when she can’t find a boy too stupid to know any better. And when she does have one, when she finally gets what she wants, they kiss goodbye the next morning and she’s stuck with me. I bandage her cuts. I tell her she’ll be fine and no, she’s not going to lose her leg just because the welts look angry right now. I’m always going to be there for her, but I don’t know how I’m going to deal with this. I want her, but I can’t have her. I can’t even resist her. God, and it’s my fault. I let her think it’s okay, all because I don’t want to lose her. I’m such an idiot.